


This Sadness Will Never End

by castielswings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluffy situations, M/M, Thoughts of Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-09 03:42:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielswings/pseuds/castielswings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam have both passed away, leaving a fallen Cas on his own in a lonely world. Cas remembers his time with the Winchesters leading up to their deaths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alone

Cas sat on the rusted hood of the dilapidated Impala. Large drops of rain fell all around but he paid no mind. This place was the only one he came to that he felt the least bit connected to the Winchesters. It had been years since it happened and yet the white hot pain was still as fresh as ever in his heart. He had tried to visit the graveyard where they were more or less buried but, he felt nothing, only emptiness and a deep despair. Here at least he had found that he could almost smell them in the rotting upholstery. Could almost hear their laughter and bickering, the memories etched into the very core of the vehicle. It was here that Castiel felt the most at peace.

He laid back on the hood, head and shoulders leaning against the windshield. He could almost feel Dean laying next to him, hands brushing slightly, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Could almost see those piercing green eyes staring into his before he leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on his lips. A single tear rolled down his cheek, quickly lost in the ever fervent rain.

Cas had tried desperately to save them, done everything he could but in the end there lives were meant to end in tragedy. He fell from Grace, fighting to keep them alive… wings ripped from his shoulders without dignity and still they were gone. Suicide was a constant in his mind but he knew that if he went that route they were lost to him forever. So he came here, to the Impala and tried to keep their memory alive.

The dreams were the worst part of everything. He thought that maybe if he could just let go of the dreams he could find some peace but, they came every night. The blood and gore filling every crevice of his mind. The shrieks threatening to tear through the tender tissue of his ears. That wasn’t even the worst of it though, the pain that filled the eyes of his friends… he could never unsee such agony and every evening he awoke screaming himself, tears streaming down his face. He could never shake that memory, even if during the day he managed some semblance of a weak smile, the dream always came back to rip any hope he mustered.

He mourned the loss of both Winchester’s but it was seeing Dean, every night, that tore through him the most. They hadn’t had enough time. It seemed as if only days had passed since the hunter had finally dropped his barriers and laid all of his emotions on the table before he was ripped from Castiel’s arms. There weren’t enough I-love-you’s or passionate kisses in the back of the Impala. They hadn’t had nearly enough separate motels rooms, up all night exploring each others bodies. The easy way their hands fit together and how natural it felt to lay in bed, bodies in entwined. It could never be enough. Not even a thousand lifetimes would be enough time with Dean and this broke Castiel to his very core.

 

* * *

 

It started simply enough, a routine hunting trip, no different than the thousands of others they had embarked on. A salt and burn, a rowdy spirit needing to be put to rest. There was always a part of Castiel that was saddened by these spirits, usually driven to the brink by some horror in their life or a love left to the world alone. He did his best to stay out of the way and let the Winchesters do their job. This job though, it was one of the tougher ones they had to deal with, not so much putting the spirit to rest but what had happened to bring it forth in the first place.  
  
It was the spirit of a young woman, more scared than angry but terrifying all the same. Her husband had snapped and murdered both her and their young child in a nasty fit of rage. The child was too young to harbor enough emotion to linger in this world, thankfully, but the woman was absolutely dripping with it. The grief in her face would haunt Castiel for many nights. Finding her body wasn't an easy task. They scoured the remains of the small house over and over, trying to find some secret corridor that she may have been placed. All the while the spirit shrieked and cried. They eventually found her, shoved into a minuscule crawlspace hidden underneath a crudely placed pallet. There wasn't much left to the body, traces of bloodied clothing and few pieces of long hair. Most of it was hacked to pieces and beaten to a pulp. Cas averted his eyes as Sam and Dean poured salt over the corpse. Dean flicked his lighter open against the leg of his pants and dropped it onto the corpse.  
  
"Let's go buddy." Dean said, putting a hand on the angel's shoulder. They walked towards the gleaming car, nestled in beside a large oak tree so as not to draw unnecessary attention from the road.  
  
"Sammy, you wanna drive us back to the motel?" He asked his brother, earning a quick smile. He nodded his answer, long brown hair swishing to and fro.

Dean opened the door and gestured for Cas to climb in; he threw a puzzled look over his shoulder as he slid into the cool leather seat. Dean sat down beside him and closed the door, sighing as he did so. Cas sat there for a moment, unsure as to what this scenario was leading to before settling his hands into his lap and staring forward out the windshield. He could feel Dean's gaze, so he turned to face him with a question on the edge of his lips but before he could say a word Dean's mouth was on his. His eyes flew open in surprise but he met the hunter's mouth easily with his own, grateful for the warmth and tenderness. 

Dean had never kissed him openly in front of Sam before but he knew the tall man in drivers seat didn't mind. He knew something was happening between his brother and the angel and he welcomed whatever they had with open arms.

"Dean" Castiel murmered onto the other man's lips. 

"Perhaps we should take into consideration that Sam is in the proximity before things get out of hand."

Dean pulled back and took what the angel said into consideration.

"Hmmm... I guess you're right, I'm sure Sammy doesn't want to see that."

Sam rolled his eyes in the rearview mirror and continued on down the road toward the shabby motel they were staying at.


	2. Memory Lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work in progress, I got a few paragraphs done today and figured I would put out an update. There will be more to this chapter soon, I promise. I just lost motivation for a little while.

They had been flirty and touchy with each other for a while now, not quite transitioning into relationship territory but definitely as far away from platonic friendship as they had ever ventured. Dean seemed to be growing more comfortable with the idea of having feelings like this for someone, and that this someone was in fact a guy, in all intents and purposes. Castiel was absolutely thrilled that Dean had even given into the notion that there was something between them and had actually jumped on it so easily. He hoped for more in the back of his mind but was in no hurry to thrust anymore onto Dean. He cherished every kiss they shared and relished every brush of their bodies with an intensity that overwhelmed him.

When they returned to the hotel Sam immediately called shower, much to Dean's dismay, he grumbled and allowed his brother to go first. Castiel sat down on the lumpy motel bed with a sigh. Things were hard but he knew they only had more heartache ahead of them. He tried not to bring it up but he knew it was a heavy weight in the back of Dean’s mind. The trials were always an unspoken though between the three of them. Something they knew they had to face but didn’t want to think about. Dean had enough on his mind, so he never brought it up if he didn’t have to and he tried his best to behave himself. 

Dean made this increasingly difficult since he had come to terms with his feelings for Castiel. They were still only treading the surface of the emotions lightly but the hunter always had a knack for pushing Cas when he could. He would catch Cas off guard with a chaste kiss to his full mouth only to bite down on his bottom lip a second later and send a wave of heat rocketing to the angels groin, with a sly grin on his freckled face the entire time. Once he pulled away he would open his emerald eyes wide and feign innocence as Cas sat there and glared at him.

He heaved out a sigh and fell backwards onto the bed. Dean plopped down in one of the thread bare chairs next to a small table and started clicking through the channels on the tv. It was almost 3 in the morning so he was doubtful that Dean would find anything worth watching, he always complained about the lack of interesting programming late at night. The tv stopped on a cheesy sitcom which became a cheery background noise to the silence of the room. Castiel stared at the water stained ceiling, trying to tune out the worries and incessant thoughts of trials. The voices of his brothers and sisters had been quiet as of late, since the apocalypse had been averted and the leviathan put to rest, the only worry had been reconstructing some semblance of leadership.

He tried to put the thoughts out of his mind, so he turned his attention to the man sitting a few feet away, pretending to watch some terrible commercial on the dangers of cooking without some ridiculous product.


End file.
